Andersen Kate Pullen,

To my precious miracle baby, on the momentous occasion of your first birthday...

Where do I begin? It seems like just yesterday, your daddy and I were spending every night on our knees begging God to allow us to become parents again. Your precious big sister was very lonely and wanted a baby sister so very badly. Daddy and I were heartbroken, because we thought we would never be able to give her a baby sister that she so desperately wanted. Every evening, while we prayed our prayers, Libby would whisper, "Dear God, please give me a baby sister. Amen." And for three years, we waited and prayed. We came very close when Libby was about 3, in fact you even have another brother or sister waiting for us up in Heaven. After we lost that baby, Daddy and I were devastated. I didn't think I could go through anymore pain or heartbreak. However, something inside of me, and your big sister, kept pushing me to continue praying and hoping for you.

Finally, Daddy and I made a very big decision. We drove all the way down to Florida to meet a special doctor who was going to help us have another baby. We were very, very scared and anxious. After the loss of our second baby, we were afraid we might never get to meet you. On the way down to meet the doctor, there was a very bad storm, in fact, it was so bad we had to pull over and let the storm pass. When we got back on the interstate, the clouds began to clear, and there was a beautiful rainbow over the horizon. It was at that very moment that I felt such enormous peace about our trip. I knew that God was sending me a sign that you were waiting to meet us as well! One day I will tell you all about the special doctor that helped Daddy and me to welcome you into the world. One day you will understand the sacrifices and pain that I went through to welcome you into our family. One day you will hold your own baby girl and understand the enormous longing and love that Daddy and I felt, the longing that drove us to make those special trips over and over again.

I want you to also know how much that Libby wanted you to be here. She also sacrificed a lot to allow Mommy and Daddy to spend so much time and money waiting for you to be here. She spent many trips with us down to Florida and was very patient with me during my pregnancy. When I was tired and my back hurt, she would patiently play alongside the couch and talk about all of the fun she was going to have with her new baby sister. We took her shopping for baby clothes and toys and we read lots of books about babies and being a big sister. She even had her own matching bracelet at the hospital when you were born. Please remember how much she loves you. One day, she might forget about how much fun you are, and she might not want to share her toys and clothes with you. One day, she may even leave you at home while she goes out with friends. I want you to know, that one day, when you are older, she will become your BEST FRIEND. She will be the one person that you can always count on to make you laugh, comfort you when you break up with your first boyfriend, and stand by your side when Mommy and Daddy aren't there anymore.

I am writing all of these things, so that one day, when you are older, maybe you will be a little more patient with Mommy when I make mistakes. I want you to know, Mommy and Daddy are NOT perfect. We are human and we make mistakes. Sometimes, Mommy will have to miss a playschool party or a field trip, because I have to work. Sometimes, I won't be able to bake cupcakes for your birthday, I will have to buy them instead. Sometimes, I will make you mad and discipline you. But, at the end of the day, you and your sister are the most important thing in the world to me and Daddy, so I hope that you will forgive me. I hope you will always remember that your Mommy and Daddy love you and waited for you for a very long time. You are exactly what we prayed for and so much more! You are my beautiful, precious miracle baby. Full of life, laughter and so much joy to everyone you encounter.

I love you doodle bug!

Mommy

17 weeks and ready to share the blessings...

So, Brad and I were originally determined to keep our "IVF secret" a secret from the world. We are so blessed to be pregnant again and our newest little princess is such a miracle!

2dp5dt

Well, time is really ticking by slowly...these hormones and medications are making me crazy! I have had some cramping on and off today, I am really hoping that means implantation cramping!!! We are off tonight for the weekend in the mountains. I must admit that it's gonna be a nice distraction for me...these next few days are gonna be looong. I have picked up a good book, and I want to sleep, relax and read.

Transfer Day

So, after two and a half years of trying to make us a family of Four...we had our transfer yesterday. We were sooo nervous regarding the number of embryos to transfer. In fact, I didn't sleep at all the night before. We drove to Jacksonville late Monday night so that we could sleep in a little later the next morning.

When we arrived, the embryologist explained to us that we had two great blastocyst and 3 that were "lagging a little behind". Brad and I then agreed that we would just go ahead and transfer the two, so we wouldn't have to worry about freezing any leftovers.

I then got prepped for the transfer...the nurse kept scanning my belly telling me it was hard to see my bladder. She left and brought the dr in. They were concerned because my ovaries were still enlarged with a large amount of fluid. They called it "mild OHSS". Dr. Lipari then had a nice discussion with the two of us, he really urged us to cancel the transfer and try a Frozen embryo transfer in another month or so. He was afraid that by getting pregnant, the increase in hormones would cause the OHSS to become severe, and land me in the hospital. I was devastated. We convinced him that if we transfered one embryo, that I could be closely monintored at home and if any sign of worsening OHSS, I would go to the nearest ER. So, the transfer took place, and I popped a Valium to relax the rest of the way home.

Now, we wait again. I can technically take a pregnancy test in 9 days...how long can I really wait?? And I am also waiting to hear from the lab regarding the other embryos, I am hoping at least 2 made it to freeze!!!

Transfer is tomorrow...someone hand me a VALIUM! :)

So, we have survived the weekend.I can't believe it's almost here. I made the reservation for our room...a nice 4 star hotel for me and the hubby to get a good night's sleep. Maybe a nice brunch tomorrow as well. I need to be as relaxed as possible for tomorrow!

I couldn't relax or rest all weekend. I finally heard from our nurse yesterday (Sunday, day 3). We had 6 embryos that were 8 cell on day 3...that's the best we could hope for! My little embryos are already over achievers! I am sooo proud. It's also amazing how attached that I already feel to my little "embabies"...how am I going to feel about freezing some of them? I don't know. To me, they are already like 6 of my little "Libby's", and I hope that one day I am able to hug each and every one of them!

Now, the important decision is how many to transfer tomorrow. One or two. I am nervous about the potential impact of twins on my family, especially Libby. Having a new baby is already going to be a HUGE change for her, I don't know how she will cope with two babies. Also, how will I cope with two babies? I have a new job, Brad's leading church music, and we already hae a very busy little princess at home. We have both been praying very hard about this decision, but there are so many things to consider. If I am pregnant with twins, I will have to stop work pretty early, and I know that Brad and I cannot really afford for me to be out of work for that long. However, I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my little family. After all, pregnany is such a short period of time, then we have the rest of our lives to enjoy our babies!! So much to consider. I am just so thankful and blessed that God has brought me, Brad and my babies this far!!

ER DAY!

I didn't sleep a bit on Wednesday night. It didn't help that our hotel wasn't the greatest, the sheets were itchy, the air conditioner wasn't that great, and I was a nervous wreck! I was at the outpatient surgery center at 7 am sharp. They took me back, got my IV started and then we waited... Dr. Lipari finally arrived and it was our turn. I kissed Brad and walked into the OR. They got me situated and it seemed like FOREVER before they finally gave me medication. I was strapped down, in stirrups and I could hear the pulse ox going crazy with my anxiety. I woke up to hear we had 10-15 eggs retrieved. I got dressed and hopped into the car. My nurse called about an hour later and was excited to tell us they had retrieved 13 eggs. I was hoping for at least 15, but I will definitely take 13!!

Last night was a very long night for me. I tossed and turned all night. The thought that my little eggs were waiting to be fertilized...it gnawed on me all night long. So, now, I am at work, waiting. My belly is bloated and sore and I am still a nervous wreck. I am trying to be patient, trying not to worry...PLEASE GOD...let my embryos be okay!!

*edit*

So, got the call from the nurse coordinator. 12 embryos fertilized! 12! I am sooo excited! I know I will sleep much better tonight. I won't hear about my embryos again until Sunday, which will be day 3. Assuming that everything looks good, we will proceed with the day 5 transfer. Now, we have to decide how many embryos to transfer...

TRIGGER TIME!

So, after a very emotional day yesterday, I finally tracked down a kit of Lupron at Walgreens at 8:15 pm last night...45 minutes before I was to take the trigger shot. The DR is concerned that because of my elevated estradiol level, that I may hyperstimulate...which can be very dangerous. So, they decided to trigger me with Lupron instead of Ovidril to try to limit the effects of the overstimulation. My insurance does not cover any fertility medications, and I was not prepared to have to buy the Lupron at the last minute. Walgreens (the only store in town with Lupron in stock) quoted me a cash price of $389. What choice did I have??? However, at the last minute, and after much prayer, the pharmacist realized that the prescription qualified for the Walgreens Savings Club. If I joined for an annual fee of $20, the prescription would cost substantially less. My total was $209! Thank you GOD! So, after work today, Brad, me and mom will load up a rental van and drop Libby off at Aunt Mamie's for a slumber party. We will make the trip to Jacksonville, and I will try to get some rest before the egg retrieval tomorrow morning at 7am! It's finally here!!!!