2dp5dt

Well, time is really ticking by slowly...these hormones and medications are making me crazy! I have had some cramping on and off today, I am really hoping that means implantation cramping!!! We are off tonight for the weekend in the mountains. I must admit that it's gonna be a nice distraction for me...these next few days are gonna be looong. I have picked up a good book, and I want to sleep, relax and read.

Transfer Day

So, after two and a half years of trying to make us a family of Four...we had our transfer yesterday. We were sooo nervous regarding the number of embryos to transfer. In fact, I didn't sleep at all the night before. We drove to Jacksonville late Monday night so that we could sleep in a little later the next morning.

When we arrived, the embryologist explained to us that we had two great blastocyst and 3 that were "lagging a little behind". Brad and I then agreed that we would just go ahead and transfer the two, so we wouldn't have to worry about freezing any leftovers.

I then got prepped for the transfer...the nurse kept scanning my belly telling me it was hard to see my bladder. She left and brought the dr in. They were concerned because my ovaries were still enlarged with a large amount of fluid. They called it "mild OHSS". Dr. Lipari then had a nice discussion with the two of us, he really urged us to cancel the transfer and try a Frozen embryo transfer in another month or so. He was afraid that by getting pregnant, the increase in hormones would cause the OHSS to become severe, and land me in the hospital. I was devastated. We convinced him that if we transfered one embryo, that I could be closely monintored at home and if any sign of worsening OHSS, I would go to the nearest ER. So, the transfer took place, and I popped a Valium to relax the rest of the way home.

Now, we wait again. I can technically take a pregnancy test in 9 days...how long can I really wait?? And I am also waiting to hear from the lab regarding the other embryos, I am hoping at least 2 made it to freeze!!!

Transfer is tomorrow...someone hand me a VALIUM! :)

So, we have survived the weekend.I can't believe it's almost here. I made the reservation for our room...a nice 4 star hotel for me and the hubby to get a good night's sleep. Maybe a nice brunch tomorrow as well. I need to be as relaxed as possible for tomorrow!

I couldn't relax or rest all weekend. I finally heard from our nurse yesterday (Sunday, day 3). We had 6 embryos that were 8 cell on day 3...that's the best we could hope for! My little embryos are already over achievers! I am sooo proud. It's also amazing how attached that I already feel to my little "embabies"...how am I going to feel about freezing some of them? I don't know. To me, they are already like 6 of my little "Libby's", and I hope that one day I am able to hug each and every one of them!

Now, the important decision is how many to transfer tomorrow. One or two. I am nervous about the potential impact of twins on my family, especially Libby. Having a new baby is already going to be a HUGE change for her, I don't know how she will cope with two babies. Also, how will I cope with two babies? I have a new job, Brad's leading church music, and we already hae a very busy little princess at home. We have both been praying very hard about this decision, but there are so many things to consider. If I am pregnant with twins, I will have to stop work pretty early, and I know that Brad and I cannot really afford for me to be out of work for that long. However, I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my little family. After all, pregnany is such a short period of time, then we have the rest of our lives to enjoy our babies!! So much to consider. I am just so thankful and blessed that God has brought me, Brad and my babies this far!!

ER DAY!

I didn't sleep a bit on Wednesday night. It didn't help that our hotel wasn't the greatest, the sheets were itchy, the air conditioner wasn't that great, and I was a nervous wreck! I was at the outpatient surgery center at 7 am sharp. They took me back, got my IV started and then we waited... Dr. Lipari finally arrived and it was our turn. I kissed Brad and walked into the OR. They got me situated and it seemed like FOREVER before they finally gave me medication. I was strapped down, in stirrups and I could hear the pulse ox going crazy with my anxiety. I woke up to hear we had 10-15 eggs retrieved. I got dressed and hopped into the car. My nurse called about an hour later and was excited to tell us they had retrieved 13 eggs. I was hoping for at least 15, but I will definitely take 13!!

Last night was a very long night for me. I tossed and turned all night. The thought that my little eggs were waiting to be fertilized...it gnawed on me all night long. So, now, I am at work, waiting. My belly is bloated and sore and I am still a nervous wreck. I am trying to be patient, trying not to worry...PLEASE GOD...let my embryos be okay!!

*edit*

So, got the call from the nurse coordinator. 12 embryos fertilized! 12! I am sooo excited! I know I will sleep much better tonight. I won't hear about my embryos again until Sunday, which will be day 3. Assuming that everything looks good, we will proceed with the day 5 transfer. Now, we have to decide how many embryos to transfer...

TRIGGER TIME!

So, after a very emotional day yesterday, I finally tracked down a kit of Lupron at Walgreens at 8:15 pm last night...45 minutes before I was to take the trigger shot. The DR is concerned that because of my elevated estradiol level, that I may hyperstimulate...which can be very dangerous. So, they decided to trigger me with Lupron instead of Ovidril to try to limit the effects of the overstimulation. My insurance does not cover any fertility medications, and I was not prepared to have to buy the Lupron at the last minute. Walgreens (the only store in town with Lupron in stock) quoted me a cash price of $389. What choice did I have??? However, at the last minute, and after much prayer, the pharmacist realized that the prescription qualified for the Walgreens Savings Club. If I joined for an annual fee of $20, the prescription would cost substantially less. My total was $209! Thank you GOD! So, after work today, Brad, me and mom will load up a rental van and drop Libby off at Aunt Mamie's for a slumber party. We will make the trip to Jacksonville, and I will try to get some rest before the egg retrieval tomorrow morning at 7am! It's finally here!!!!

What a day!!!

Baby Pullen,

Wow...where do I begin?? Today has been one crazy day for sure! When I got to work this morning, the ultrasonographer measured my poor, stuffed little ovaries. Initial measurements indicated I had a follicle over 27mm!! So, my nurse and Dr Lipari were very concerned that I was already ovulating! They wanted STAT labwork drawn, but of course, the local hospital doesn't do STAT estradiol and progesterone. I was lucky enough to be able to get into the office of my last RE, Dr. Butler. The entire trip there,I was praying and begging GOD to give me good news. I heard the song, Blessings, by Laura Story. It's sorta been my theme song for this entire procedure. When I got there, the nurse drew bloodwork and another scan. Thankfully, this scan showed my largest follicle was only around 21mm, and according to the nurse my ovaries and uterus looked "GREAT"! So, I got the bloodwork and waited.

I just got the numbers from the nurse, my estradiol was high at 6,659...which does put me at risk for developing OHSS...which of course makes me a nervous wreck! However, my nurse told me to plan to take the trigger shot tonight at 9 pm and be ready for retrieval on Thursday at 7 am!! It's finally time!

Baby Pullen(s)...I want you to know how much that your daddy, sister and I want you. Please know that you are loved and wanted even before you are here.

Ready...

So, Saturday, Mom, me and Libby piled into the car to drive 4 hours to Jacksonville for an early Sunday morning ultrasound. It was a horrible drive, lots of raining and a pile of traffic which made it into a 5 hour drive. Libby was such a trooper...all she wanted was to get to the hotel and go swimming! By the time we finally arrived in Jacksonville, it was still raining...no swimming.

We woke up and went to the appointment...we were a bit late, considering the outside door was locked, we had to wait for a patient who was leaving to open it for us! We were the last to be seen. I was hoping to have good news and take the trigger shot, and plan to return on Tuesday for the retrieval. However, my little follicles have slowed down a bit, and we have about 12 follicles between 12-15. Dr. Lipari wanted me to stim for two more nights to allow some of the smaller follies to "catch up"...Sigh. I have to admit that I was super bummed! I had the whole week planned with a weekend trip to the beach for Libby before our day five transfer this weekend.

I have to remind myself that this WILL be worth it in the end. This second baby is going to be such a miracle and a blessing to our little family. I think all of the hormones and lack of sleep, along with the emotional and physical toll are finally starting to catch up with me. I am tired, cranky, irritable, sick to my stomach, bloated and just plain uncomfortable. I just keep trying to remind myself that this WILL work and this IS going to be worth it! Please God...let this week go by quickly and let this work, PLEASE God...let me get pregnant. Please help me have a healthy pregnancy and baby. PLEASE GOD!

Day 6 of stims...

So, I had my second ultrasound this morning. Last night, we added in the third injection, Ganirelix, which prevents me from ovulating prematurely. My poor little ovaries are definitely swollen and I am feeling a LOT of pressure, even when sitting. The scan showed around 15 follicles, several were measuring between 12-15mm. The nurse told me to continue the shots for the next two nights and I am an appointment for the final ultrasound check on Sunday morning bright and early. If everything looks good, I will take the trigger shot that day, and my egg retrieval will probably be Tuesday morning. Since it's a 4 hour drive, me, mom and Libby will drive down tomorrow night and spend the night in Jacksonville. Brad and I will make the trip again on Monday night since Tuesday morning will probably be REALLY early! If everything progresses as planned, my embryo transfer will be next Saturday or Sunday. I would REALLY love to be able to do a day 5 transfer. All of the studies that I have read really support the day 5 blastocyst transfer. So, I am praying that my little follicles/eggs/embryo's cooperate!

First Follicle Scan

So, here we are in the middle of the stimming part of the IVF cycle. Had my first ultrasound today after three days of injections. I know my poor little ovaries were sore...I have around 15 follicles measuring between 6mm and 11mm. My endometrial lining looks great at 10mm. Faxed over the report to my Doctor. The nurse just called me to inform me that Dr. Lipari wants to dial my microdose Ovidril down to 60iu a night and 150iu Follistim a night for the next two nights, and then add in Ganirelix starting tomorrow night. We will rescan on Friday and decide what to do from there. I had a feeling that I was going to respond a little better to these meds. I am very excited about what's going on!!! I am praying that this is it and my little follicles grow into beautiful little embryos who grow into beautiful little babies for me and Brad to enjoy!!

Day 3 of Stims

So, I have finally made it the point of injections! It seems like it's been such a long time waiting for this to finally happen. The past two months have seemed to drag by waiting for the right date to start the injections. Well, after a month of birth control pills, a week of testosterone patches and my period, I finally started the injections this past Sunday. I started with 300 iu of Follistim and 80 iu of microdose ovidril, then last night we bumped it down to 225 iu of Follistim and 80 iu of microdose ovidril. Starting tonight it goes down to 150 iu Follistim and 80 iu ovidril. My first ultrasound is tomorrow, and I really don't know what to expect. While stimming for my IUI's, the first few ultrasounds were kinda slow and boring, and didn't pick up until the last two days or so. I am excited to see how my little ovaries are responding. I am praying that this is the LAST time I have to subject my body to these injections and crazy hormones. I am assuming that the large doses of meds are causing me to have headaches, today I woke up with quite a nasty one. I keep reminding myself that it's gonna be worth it in the end.

Last night, Libby told me that she is excited about her baby Sister. She wants to teach her things and even asked if her baby sister could sleep in the bed with her. It was pretty darn cute :)

Waiting for stims...

So, here I am...I have finally finished the horrible birth control pills. Now, I am on to phase 2 of the IVF cycyle. Three days ago, I started Metformin, Estradiol and Androderm (testosterone) patches. I am still taking prenatal vitamins and a baby Aspirin everyday as well. I feel like an old woman, popping 6 pills a day :)I have to admit, I have been doing okay, until yesterday. The Metformin has horrible GI side effects...and everytime I eat...I soon regret it. I also started my cycle today, which has made things worse, becuase now I am cramping. So, I am moody, crampy and irritable. What a combination. On top of everything, we decided to get Libby a puppy. She has been begging us for a toy poodle. So, we finally caved. Last night, we were up all night with the puppy. This may not have been the best time to add a new member to our canine family! :)

Mock Transfer

So, yesterday, Me, Brad, Mom, Dad and Libby piled into Mom's car and made the 3 1/2 hour trip to Jacksonville. Libby was just diagnosed with Strep, so we couldn't bring her to school, so she tagged along. She was an excellent little trooper and I was actually glad we got to spend some time with her during the ride. I have to remember that I can't neglect her, especially during this emotional, difficult time in our lives. She's the reason we are making this journey again. She is my motivation to continue. After all, she's so incredibly wonderful, how could I NOT have another one (or two)?

So, we arrived for the long appointment. Mom and Dad camped out with Libby in the lobby with books, movies and toys. They said she was very well behaved...of course, she got a bribe!

The mock transfer went well, I didn't have to have the sono hysterogram, since I had just had my Laparoscopy and hysteroscopy in April. The physical exam and baseline ultrasound went great, I had several antral follicles on both ovaries, she didn't count, but said they looked "great!". Then, we sat down with the nurse for our "official RN consult" to explain the details of what is to come. Everything looks great. The nurse was able to give us 900 iu of Follistim,which is worth about $900! I am still waiting for the other donated meds which should arrive today...my grand total for medications...$620. That's a vast improvement from the $1900 that was quoted last week! I am so incredibly thankful!

It was a bit strange having to sign some of the papers. For instance, we had to "give custody" of our potential embryos to my sister in the unfortunate event that Brad and I both die. That was a bit strange. I haven't informed her yet that she gets to inherit my embryos :) I figure, they should go wherever Libby goes...so, now she is the "godmother" to our potential embryos :)

So, I have a few more days on our birth control pills. I will be so glad to be done with them!! I start my androderm patches this Saturday. The idea is that for women with hypothalmic-pituitary dysfunction, the testosterone increases the response of the ovaries to the injectible FSH medications. Of course, if I sprout hair and my voice deepens, that's not gonna help me any! I have prepared my employer and my husband that I cannot be held responsible for moodiness that is sure to come with all of the hormonal changes!

I am ready...let's DO THIS!

Still waiting

So, now we are waiting. We had a very successful yardsale this weekend, raised $500. That will cover half of the cost of medications. Hubby, me and mom are making the long trip to Jacksonville next Tuesday for my sono hysterogram and ultrasound with mock transfer. I am so anxious to start! I feel like a little kid waiting for Christmas. While laying in bed last night, I told Brad, "I am so excited about July. I cannot wait to be pregnant again!" It is such a longing and I am sooo excited that it's going to be here so soon.

I will admit,that I am still grieving over the loss of our last baby. I also admit that I will probably always mourn the fact that Brad and I cannot have a "normal, surprise pregnancy". From all of the reading and research I have done into the psychology of infertility, this seems to be a very normal feeling. Women are meant to have babies, and for those of us who work so hard and wait so long to become mommies, this is very hard to accept that we cannot have babies like the rest of the world. Imagine failing at the one thing that EVERY female mammal is meant to do. It's a tough pill to swallow. I am ready to hold my baby in my arms, and ready to move on with the rest of my life. Please God, let it be soon!

Blessings...

So, I am still in the midst of the Birth Control pills. I absolutely HATE them! They make me feel nauseated, moody and give me horrible headaches. Baby Pullen...I hope you realize how much Mommy truly loves you...I am really putting my body through torture to meet you!

Yesterday, I finally got in touch with the mail order pharmacy regarding my box of medications for the cycle. Now, given the fact that we are doing a "minimal stimulation ivf"...I had anticipated spending around $1,000.00 on medications. The pharmacy gave me a grand total of $1,972.12!! Way more than I had budgeted. Of course, I was quite distraught. That's ALOT of money for medications. So, I called the nurse at the clinic and begged her for any coupons or samples she could get her hands on. She called me back and informed me that she was running some numbers and would try to get me at least one 600iu vial of Follistim (which would save me around $600.00). She called me back to inform me that not only could she get the sample of Follistim, but she also found a coupon for $50 off of the Endometrin. So, I called the pharmacy and figured out that my new bill would be around $1,400.00 That didn't sting quite as much...

At the end of the day, I received a message from a member of my online support group (RESOLVE). It was from a member who had her first successful IVF a couple of months ago. She has volunteered to send me her leftover meds!! Another 600iu vial of Follistim! What a HUGE blessing. If I can get two donated 600iu vials...that brings my medication total to $900! Which was the price that I had originally budgeted for medications. Needless to say, it was a very nice way to end a very rough day.

We are preparing for our yardsale tomorrow. I am hoping to make at least $500 to add to our "Baby Pullen fund". Last year, when we began our treatments with the Reproductive Endocrinolgist, we made $500 at a yardsale which covered the cost of our very first IUI. My mom and sisters have both donated items to the yardsale...I am hoping that it's very successful! My husband has also taken on a second job as the Minister of Music at our church. It doesn't pay much ($150 per week), but we are putting all of that money into the pot for the IVF fund.

So, that's about it for now. I am really hoping that these next few weeks FLY by so that we can get started with the next phase!

IVF number one!

So, I am writing this blog to chronicle my journey through IVF #1. My husband and I are incredibly blessed to have a beautiful little girl. She was an absolute miracle and was conceived from a Clomid/TI cycle. On her first birthday, we threw away birth control pills and began the long journey to make her a big sister. She is now almost 3 1/2, and we are desperate to give her a sibling. The desire for a second child is just as great as the desire I felt while waiting for my first baby. When we brought her home from the hospital, I looked at my husband and told him, "Our family still isn't finished yet." That's exactly how I feel. Someone is missing from our lives and I don't feel like I will be "complete" until I meet that little person. How is it possible to love someone so much, when you haven't even met them yet?

Our diagnosis is simple. I have mild endometriosis and don't ovulate regularly. As an adolescent, I was a competitive cheerleader and had a very low BMI, as a result I have a hypothalmic-pituitary axis problem, which causes annovulation. I have had three dianositic laparoscopies to remove endometriosis. I conceived my daughter after the first surgery, and after the second surgery last Spring, had two IUI's with Follistim. I became pregnant after the second IUI, but it resulted in an ectopic pregnancy. The weeks and months following the ectopic were some of the hardest days of my life. Some mornings, I only got out of bed because of my sweet little girl. Because of the increased risk of subsequent ectopic pregnancy, my husband and I have researched IVF. We found a clinic in Jacksonville, FL that performs "mini-IVF" and we have decided that is the route for us. "Mini-IVF" is designed to produce few, quality eggs. My husband and I really only want one more pregnancy, so we were concerned about having an abundance of leftover embryos. Also, the "Mini-IVF" is much more affordable for us, since we have no insurance coverage for fertility treatments.

My first consult with the JCRM was a week and a half ago. Since that time, we have decided to begin our cycle in July. I plan to use this blog to help during the process. Infertility is a long and painful journey. Writing seems to help me work through the tangles.

I received my packet of information and cycle calendar last week. I also began birth control pills to help suppress my ovaries before we begin stimulation. My "mock transfer" is scheduled for June 21st. I am nervous and excited. More than anything, I am ready to get started. I am so anxious and ready to be pregnant and ready to complete this journey. The birth control pills have had some horrible side effects this time around. The pills are a higher dose than I have taken before, and I am experiencing mood swings, nausea, headaches and horrible hot flashes! I will be glad to be finished with them and ready to start the next round of medications.

This week, my husband and I are throwing a family yardsale. My family is very supportive of our journey, and will be donating to help us save up for medications. We are fortunate that the clinic we are using offers in house financing, but we still have to come up with $3,000 for a downpayment and around $1500-2000 for medications, all which must be paid up front. It's expensive, but I will gladly sacrifice for a baby of my own.